Welp, there's one more thing I thought I'd never do that I ended up doing anyway. Standards, dude. Never again. Three in one lifetime ain't bad.

Now that we're all technically no longer angsty high-schoolers, I suppose the Livejournal post frequency was going to go down. George has made the last four posts on my friends page. I probably should've posted about a few things that are going on with me right now, but in the name of discretion I gave it a miss. Perhaps, also, everyone's in the sort of limbo that seems to come with the concurrent end of two eras. Can't say, really. George, I should've commented on those posts but I suppose the moment's gone. Come out for a drink with me sometime, we've never really done a thing and it seems like an omission.

Vis a vis my life: you probably know what's going on better than I do. I seem to have lost the ability to be objective, something that I was pretty overly good at for a while. There's been time to think occasionally, and time to do pointless things again - pleasures of the mind, mind. I'm starting a wonderful relationship with the works of Tom Pynchon, who seems to come from an angle I actually feel kind of familiar with. Besides that, writing songs seriously for the first time in my life has been a mixed blessing and the best work is the work I don't think about. This is not the goal, though. I'm forbidding myself from joining any bands until I find my niche (save the thing with Alex, but that's pretty much a covers thing). Not honestly thinking that I'm gonna get in to the C., so I'll cast my net in waters that are at least slightly favourable.

Personal life is fucked, perhaps more so than ever - but in a nice way. There's a study which reports that men usually only keep in touch with about six people from their high-school in the long-term. I used to think that was surely a conservative estimate, but the illusion of being 'friends' with a lot of people beyond the Facebook capacity has completely fallen through and given way to the reality that I'll never see most of them again, save for reunions and the like.
The wonderful murderer that is alcohol is proving persuasive for its ability to utterly destroy my misanthropisms and defense mechanisms. Another recent experience has left me with an unexpected positive change of perspective. Two things that I never expected of myself: first, that I'd gain the ability to make friends quickly; second, that I'd actually ever feel some sort of palpable growth.
But that's the good part, isn't it? And there is a bad part. All of my recent experiences have been exacerbating a particular vicious cycle involving both new problems and old ones that come back in an annoying manner. I'm not sure, even with my recent 'honesty' thing, if I can talk about it on Livejournal. But therein lies the rub, as it were: I'm not sure that there's anyone who could even help me with it in person. It's a very specific and confusing conflict of self, and quite frankly, there's a very difficult decision ahead. After I make this decision, I'll most probably feel bad for a while no matter which path I take. And all because I decided to go and grow as a person! I jest. But yeah, my outlook on things has become so alien to what it was that some serious changes are in order. It feels kind of like I've woken up. You know, that feeling after you have one of those big ol' epiphanies that brings a smile to your face for ever after. The transition won't be fun though.

Oh well. I hope everything rules in your land, whomever.

In lieu of a post where I actually share things about my life, I've been spending my time tonight making a Twitterbot, cobbled together from quotes from a few of the top Twitterers and whatever else Megahal picks up. As my computer has died, I'm doing it on a Mac, too - if I'd had a PC, I'd've been able to do something much better, but oh well.

It's still very much a work-in-progress. At the start, it was turning out stuff like
"i gave away
i accidentally
i gave away thousands of
i accidentally pulled a lady’s"

And recently, it's improved to this stage:
"never a
dull moment with my penis."
So at least there's a marginal improvement.

I guess the goal was to waste an hour or two - in which case, success.

"i love you
I will always have
sitting in my
dressing room
putin."

Gonna set it up a real Twitter once it's more coherent.

Date: 2008-07-02, 2:35PM EDT

Do you love to play Super Mario Brothers on the Classic Nintendo System? Do you like to get tagged from behind while you do it? This is the post for you then.

You must know your way around the game before we meet, must be open to anal sex, also able to fake an orgasm is a plus.

I will send you the address to a hotel and a room number. When you arrive the door will be open. Please come in close and lock the door and close the shades if they are still open. I will be in the bathroom and the door will be closed. Turn on the TV and the Nintendo. Remove all of your clothing. Turn off all lights in the room and kneel down on the bed so you are directly in the light of the TV. You need to be facing the TV with your butt in the air pointed toward the pillows on the bed.

Press the start button on the controller when you are ready. I will hear the sound and turn the light off in the bathroom and come out. You will not look directly at me, only look at the TV. When the first level starts I will begin to finger you and lick you. I will be using lots of lube as well.

When you reach the end of level one, make sure to trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the fireworks. When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will penetrate you. You may say things like, "MORE", "HARDER", "YES", "FUCK ME", but nothing else. I will continue having sex until the level ends. DO NOT take the secret level skip. If you die I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts.

When you reach the flag you must again trigger the fireworks, and also orgasm. I will pull out. When the 1-3 starts I will penetrate your ass. You are allowed to say something like "OH GOD", "YES", OR "IT HURTS" no other conversation is allowed.

When level 1-4 starts I will alternate between holes as I see fit. You may beg me to cum inside or outside of you, depending on what you want. When boss falls and you reach the princess I will pull out and blow my load where you have convinced me I want too. You may then say something like "Thanks", "It was great", "I loved it", "Don't stop"

If I am impressed you may continue playing and I will continue to pleasure you. If I am not, I will turn the Nintendo Off and return to the bathroom. At this time you may clean your self with the towel that is beside the bed. Turn the lights on, redress yourself and leave.

I may come back out and talk to you as you dress but the conversation will most likely be short and revolve around scheduling another time to get together.


Location: Orlando
( it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests )

Wikipedia:

"To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction."
-A paraphrasing of Newton's 3rd Law of Motion

Answers:

"re·ac·tion: A reverse or opposing action."

∴"To every action there is an equal and opposite opposing action."
∴"To every action there is an equal and opposite opposing action, to which there is an equal and opposite opposing action, etc.."

This paraphrasing doesn't make sense. That's my epiphany for the day.

No, I don't have any idea either.

So. It's over, then.
Except not completely, because now we stress about results and offers. Oh well, at least we can do stuff with our time.

Speaking of which, I actually accomplished something with immediately apparent results today, which hasn't happened for a while. I made a mini-stove in my room. It's pretty cool; I'll be able to boil water, make popcorn, stuff like that without having to leave my room. Lazy, certainly, but it's gonna be good to make myself tea at night-time without having to worry about the creaking doors between my room and the kitchen waking everyone else up. It's the same reason why I want a bar fridge, really, because they say it wakes them up even when I tiptoe through and I know how much it sucks to lose sleep.

On that topic, I unwillingly got a lot of sleep today. At around seven, when my dog woke me up, I'd decided to read a book. An effort was made, at least. I didn't get far in before I actually fell asleep with the book in my face. It's worth mentioning that my sleep cycle's been completely fucked lately, and I've missed a day or so's worth of sleep during the exams. The problem is actually so extreme that people have woken me up and made me breakfast, following which I went back to bed - only to find when I woke up again that I hadn't even been aware of it happening. I sleep-ate breakfast. Holidays should help.

Back to the stove: it's a contraption based around a tealight candle. Attached to the candle are various metal odds and ends of roughly the same length, which hold up a soft drink can at its base. It works by lighting the candle, heating the can from the bottom up. Did I mention that I haven't actually tried it yet? I'm kind of afraid that heating the can like that might dislodge some metal residue or something, but surely that's pseudo-chemistry. Can anyone who actually does chemistry help me out on this one?

Also today: decided what I'm writing for NaNoWriMo. 2000 words a day from here on in, let's do this. I'm gonna write a fucking book.

Tomorrow, I'm planning to start making various christmas presents. Now that I have free time, I can actually put some thought and elbow grease into the whole deal. I've got a few good plans going. Beyond that, I might be making a bamboo water feature for the backyard here.

My conclusion is that actually having free time is pretty fucking sweet.

Apparently they've discovered a full cut of 'Metropolis'. My god.
It's tantalising, but going to Berlin just for this would definitely be a stretch. Expensive beyond my means, in any case.
Still, a DVD release will probably come later. It'll be great to finally see the lost bits of one of the forefathers of SF film. Plus, any lost knowledge of the past is always welcome.

When you browse through this web page, you may find yourself wondering "are those coloured beers?"

Well, yes - they are. Red, green and blue coloured beers. You can get a 12 pack for about $60 AUD not including shipping and handling, so perhaps it might make an odd little gift for that beer aficionado you know.

And if the fact that the blue beer contains arctic water doesn't make you want to drink it, you're clearly not as easily excitable as me.

What happens after the HSC?
First, totally, a week or two of debauch stretched across two months. The plan, personally, is that I'll indulge in my nascent alcoholism enough that I'll hardly want to drink at all for the first year of uni. It will also be a fine introduction to being poor and sozzled, a state I may have to grapple with for a while considering my planned career path.
Second and concurrently, I'll have the freedom to do the things I enjoy doing again. This post over at No-Sword talks about the 'visual impact' of an isolated japanese character in an otherwise verbose sentence, and sparked a thought about grammatical equivalents in English. If I had the time to write for fun, I'd no doubt experiment with the concept - in a short short story, maybe? In any case, it reminded me how much I want to write again. I'm heavily looking forward to NaNoWriMo, but I've yet to decide what to write. As of now, the decision is between a serious novel and a parodic novel, the latter of which would be much easier to write and is hence probably going to be my eventual choice. Plus, MSN conversations with Cal have given me a good idea. I'm keeping hush about it, though.
Third, I'm gonna have to start doing something essentially meaningful. I'll have a lot more free time than I've had in the past, and while I do have books, movies and videogames to finish I think actually accomplishing things takes precedence for me. Which direction to take, though?

I hope you guys saw John Safran's new show last night. It's... confrontational. Saying that feels like I'm spoiling the surprise. Just watch it somehow, it's among the best things I've seen lately. It's a John Safran show, so if you know what that means you're probably already either watching it or bitching about it.
Aside from that, Hungry Beast is pretty good so far. I like the approach they've taken a lot. It seems like a combination of a sketch comedy and a news show (a description which makes me think of the Chaser) but it takes a different approach to what's already out there, and has a pretty refreshing style. The 'Google You' sketch didn't really fly with me, though - it seemed more grounded in techno-fear than facts, or at least the balance was off enough that it appeared unprovoked. It was worth a try, though.
RSS feed readers make life awesome. The amount of time saved by not having to scarper 'round the web is colossal, and the interface allows for easy wheat/chaff sorting. I'm also kept well-informed about my very specific set of interests, a definite plus. I'm just gonna throw it out there that if you're into philosophical observations on modern life in an easily digestible form, you should be reading Cat and Girl. It's just grand.

Aaaaand now for study. Yaaaaay.

THE 3RD DAY
24 HOURS LEFT

Stress much? Argh.

Also; just caught a brief news segment about an acid burns victim - her ex organised the throwing of sulfuric acid in her face. Switch back to the newsdesk, where the guy promptly spouts "a close look at the ugly side of life". Nobody even flinched.

Ravel's 'Sonatine' is fucking sublime, huh?

Whenever I hear it, I literally cannot take my attention away from it. After that, it sticks in my ears for a few days. It just makes me want to write, to try at least to write something so inhumanly affecting.

Now's not the time, though, and it's frustrating beyond relief.

The best music trades on power and weakness, mass and emptiness, doing the wrong thing at the right time. Yet it goes beyond all of that.

That famous Stravinsky quote about music being ineffective at representing emotions irked me until a few months ago. If you listen to the first section of 'Sonatine', maybe you'll see why: to simply call it 'sad' would be a disservice, as parts like the lower initial melody's quasi-resolution seem somehow 'joyful', yet this again fails to describe the entire feeling of the piece; calling it both 'sad' and 'joyful', however, results in an apparent dissonance wholly less palatable than those in the piece.

'Sonatine' cannot be reduced to any combination of feelings without leaving out some linguistically intangible factor. That is to say that I consider Stravinsky's statement correct, that I no longer interpret it as saying "music, as a whole, is inherently bad at expressing emotions", but rather "music is better when conjuring unique feelings from itself than when attempting to replicate exact human emotions".

Saying that, I suppose that the gist of this post is thus: 'Sonatine' is not 'happy', 'sad', 'bittersweet' or 'tragic'; it would be a disservice and an oversight to call 'Sonatine' anything other than 'Sonatine'.


P.S. Speaking of 'bittersweet', I think 'Sonatine' would go especially well with a glass of Campari on a beach, alone at that special moment between sunset and sundown, with the red clouds drowning under nightfall. Maybe I'll test this out on the schoolies trip.

I... I'm not sure what I just watched. Can this possibly be for real? You have to watch it 'til the end to get the full brunt of it, trust me.

I had an interesting dream this morning.
It took place at the end of our graduation ceremony. Everyone in the year was there, all suited up and everything, and they were trying to leave, where they ran into Mr. Brown, holding a few sheets of paper. He explained that he had a time machine, and that if we wrote something to our past selves he would go back in time and pass on the message.
Nearly everybody rushed at the chance - it was a dream, of course you'd believe it - but I backtracked into the hall to think about it. By the time I'd worked out what to write, everyone else was gone. I took the paper from Mr. Brown's hands and readied my graduation pen, only to find that someone else had already written down my exact message to myself, and addressed it to me - "be more courageous". Then I woke up.

Nothing quite like that to start your day, especially when you realise that you've slept through your alarm and missed the first half of the day. What a kicker.

The afterglow of school's end has worn off. It was fun while it lasted and I gave the old brick sweetheart the best send-off I could muster, but the brief blast of revelry has given way to the realisation that I am now pretty much a dole-bludger. In a few months, I'll have to stop pissfarting about and actually accomplish a few things.

I'm attempting to unfuck some critical aspects of my life. I'm going for a run tomorrow, in hopes of following through with the 'Couch-to-5K Plan' as I'm the least fit I've ever been and it's pathetic. Also hoping to set up a regular swimming plan, though I'm undecided whether to go to Victoria Park or Leichhardt (any opinions?). I'm sorting out my living situation, hopefully having a period of relative stability during and shortly before the HSC. Besides that, I'm searching around for a post-HSC job. I want to get back in the saddle, god damn it. Having play money would definitely be helpful. I'm also planning to wind back on the alcohol come next year, sobriety has generally been good to me over the years.

From now on, I'm going to do things the best way I can instead of slacking off generally all the time and being afraid of the risks of things. Folks, if it ever seems like I'm slacking off, please give me a poke in the ribs.

This past week has really put into stark relief the fact that my life is fucked.

(Leaving this ambiguous)

It's a godawful small affair

( Read more... )

FLOP filming was... better than expected. Actually, I had a really great time. There's going to be at least one clip of me dancing in there, which is kind of strange as I'm usually too uptight to attempt dancing while sober (the one time I've ever been called a good dancer was, coincidentally, the first time I drank like a fish). I got glorious HD footage which my computer is actually too slow to edit. Yay.

When I actually figure out how I'm going to do this, it'll be pretty awesome.

Also, shooting footage was less like tedious work than I expected it to be. It was actually... a shedload of fun.

Ellipses...

Besides that, actually used the photo camera for something. Was going to take shots today, but forgot to bring the SD card. Go figure.

I digress. Today really pulled me out of the rut I'd been in for a while. Actually doing something exclusively for fun is a real pick-up, I'd recommend it.

On another topic, props to Zac - I only just checked out Cal's E-X2 flick and some of the shots are pretty great. It's a great way to spend nine or so minutes if you haven't already.

Gonna make posters for FLOP - the image is already made, but I dinnae have dosh so they aren't ready for tomorrow. Come Monday, I will plaster the effigy of our President every which wall. Mark my words.

Nothing else to report, so I'll leave it there. Adios!

Say what, now? Beatles remasters, Big Star box set, Chris Bell reissue? Why do these things only happen when I have no disposable income?

Anyway. Did music performance today, it seemed to go over well. I wasn't terrible, in any case. For the first time in a while, I actually feel like writing something but I've got other pressing homework to do. Shame.

The next-door neighbours have been having a party for 3 or 4 hours, yet all they've been managing to do is shout 'Dude, Where's My Car' references at each other and have drunken faux-karate duels. It's fascinating and distracting.

Rowland S. Howard's doing a gig in November, at least one of you is coming along. The man was in the Birthday Party, doesn't that make him awesome by association? Also, Hard-Ons gig in December. Fuck yeah.

Oh no, Jim Carroll died!
I am seriously kind of depressed about this. Listen to 'People Who Died' and be awestruck.


P.S. Not a single post by anyone today? Shame.

So i'm reading up on Sylvia Plath and Ted Hughes here and down the bottom it asks
'Are you searching for true love? Learn 21 Great Ways to find the man of your dreams and stay in love forever!'

www.youtube.com/watch